Not sure why everyone is cheering Rick Perry’s decision not to inflict himself on Texas for another four years given that he is likely to be replaced by Greg Abbott, who’s just as vicious but not nearly as stupid. I like Wendy Davis as much as the next Democrat; she even reminds me a little of Ann Richards, but let’s be real. Democrats are not going to win statewide in Texas next year. I’d love to be proved wrong, but I think this state is still a decade away from competitiveness.
Rick Perry: Still A Piece of Shit (but with good hair)
It does not surprise me in the slightest that Perry has decided to further brutalize 1.2 million working poor Texans by “proudly” refusing expanded Medicare funds. In fact, the only thing that surprises me is that he didn’t beat Bobby Jindal to the punch. Still, it does add to an already fascinating speculation on just what, exactly, Perry has in place of a human soul: bullshit? Aqua Velva? His secret collection of back-issue GQ? The mind reels.
“I give THIS much of a shit about you working class peasant mo-fo’s”
How Stupid is Rick Perry?
Yes, I realize this could be an endless thread, but in this particular instance, the answer is, “Rick Perry is so stupid he caused an international incident with a country that has been our ally for 60 years (Turkey) with a moronic comment during a debate.”
It’s becoming increasingly harder to quantify just how cosmically stupid Rick Perry truly is. We can no longer just compare him, unfavorably, to George W. Bush. In fact, Perry makes George W. Bush look like Winston Churchill, Thomas Jefferson and Sam Houston all rolled up into one. Nor would I compare him to an animal (a jackass, say, or a pissant) as that would be an insult to animals, though clearly this is neither the first nor the last time the words “Rick Perry” and “Turkey” have appeared in the same sentence. I think, instead, we are forced to compare his wits to those of inanimate objects. We would say, for instance, that Rick Perry is dumb as a bag of hammers.
UPDATE: Rick Perry is so stupid, he can’t get on the ballot in Virginia, even with an utterly frivolous lawsuit. I assume this was all a conspiracy by liberal activist judges.
UPDATE 2: Rick Perry now too dumb to know “fetch” from “sic ’em”.
Attention, Rick Perry…
…you know what to do.
And a special shout-out to the voters of Texas for electing this prissy, arrogant moron as governor not once, not twice, but three times. Way to go!
All I Want For Christmas
Dear Lord, You know I don’t ask for much, but please please PLEASE let this smug, prissy, ignorant pissant run for president. Amen.
Thanks for All the Votes, Suckers!
Is it humanly possible for Rick Perry to come across as more of a smug prick? He knows that he can now say or do damn near anything–destroy education in this state, raise taxes while accepting a public tongue-bath from Grover Norquist, bite the heads off kittens on live television–because the majority of voters in Texas have clearly signaled they don’t give a rat’s ass about anything other than preventing illegal aliens from getting gay married under Sharia law and then having abortions. So thanks, Texas voters! Great job!
Column for 6 March, 2011
THE SLUMBERING GIANT
“’So I will come near to you for judgment. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me,’ says the Lord Almighty,”
–Malachi 3:5
Governor Scott Walker is a miracle worker. He has accomplished the impossible—singlehandedly reviving the American labor movement with his extremism, pettiness and obstreperousness. This one man, who manages to make even Rick Perry look like a paragon of sober, mature leadership, has brought protestors literally out in the snow in their thousands to oppose him. And the rebellion is spreading—to Ohio and Indiana at the very least. The economic royalists and their pet monkeys in the Republic Party were caught off guard; they had assumed the Class War was long over, and their class had won. Who would’ve imagined the peasants might resist? FOX “News” was dispatched to blast propaganda—including faked coverage and deliberately inverted poll results—to the great unwashed masses. Unionists? Public employees? Why, everyone knows they are despised by all Real Americans! And yet…huge majorities (well over 2/3rds) of the American people support the right of public employees to bargain collectively. Governor Walker remains hopelessly obtuse—locking the state capitol building in Madison in defiance of a court injunction, shamelessly lying about the budget deficit he himself exploded with tax cuts for the wealthy, ranting about “outside agitators” like some low-rent Orville Faubus, and being punked by (of all things) a lowly blogger impersonating one of the multi-billionaire Koch Brothers who serve the real function on the Hard Right that the fevered imagination of Glenn Beck imagines George Soros serves on the moribund Left. The Mainstream Media, after initially attempting to ignore this un-serious threat to the status quo, have now actually started to pay attention. How can this be? Is it possible, just barely possible, that the sheer depravity of the billionaires’ party in the very (more…)
Column for 27 February, 2011
THE MAN IN THE MIRROR
“Woe to you teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.”
–Matthew 23:23-24
Fear is sweeping through local governments, particularly school districts, throughout Texas. Not the normal sort of fear understandably caused every two years when the great clown car of State disgorges the idiocrats who mismanage the government; no, this is worse. Texas is $27 billion in the hole, a deficit comparable to that of California’s, a state with 12 million more people. Put another way, there’s nearly $1,100 of debt for every man, woman and child in Texas, but less than $750 of debt for every Californian. Yet Texas already ranks dead last among the fifty states in per capita spending. Accordingly, with their normal level of rank political cowardice, our alleged leaders are, as usual, looking to fob off as much of the pain of balancing the budget as possible onto the backs of local government. Thus, the Cleburne School Board faces the very real prospect of closing one or more schools to make up the expected shortfall of money from Austin. But don’t blame the school board. How did Texas get (more…)
A Tale of Three Nitwits
The official State of the Union response by Paul Ryan, a disingenuous hack, and the unofficial Tea Partier by Michelle Bachman, a complete and utter loon who hates the troops.
Meanwhile, back in Texas, alleged Governor Rick Perry freely admits that he hates public schools, especially ones that serve brown people, and doesn’t think your kids are worthy of art, science, or college placement classes because they are only fit for manual labor. If there’s a more smug, vicious, condescending prick in elective office anywhere, I haven’t met him yet.
This is the best the Republic Party has to offer.
We’re Screwed
Texas is TWENTY-SEVEN BILLION DOLLARS in the hole and the Official State Clown Car just pulled up to the Capitol to disgorge 101 Republicans, each one more ass-scratchin’ pig dumber than the last. Meanwhile, our governor is the only person imaginable who makes George W. Bush look like an intellectual giant. Plus, Bob Bullock (prime minister to Dubya as Queen of England) is dead. By the end of the session, I expect the Legislature will collapse into anarchy and cannibalism and the entire state to be annexed by Venezuela. Or sold to Halliburton.
The Local Crank
The Local Crank 